Coping with Emotional Upheaval During COVD-19

Our world and our individual psyches have been infused with uncertainty in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. Plans and routines are increasingly disrupted and collective anxiety – even panic - is palpable in public spaces such as grocery stores.

Feeling some anxiety makes sense right now – it’s a normal reaction to emerging news about the coronavirus. Many of us ponder the uncertainty of the virus’ impact on ourselves and loved ones in the weeks and perhaps even months to come.

Anxiety alerts us to potential threats. It activates us and helps us move toward safety. Our human nervous systems are now more alert and oriented toward survival. If this energy is channeled appropriately, it will help us be prepared. Unwelcome anxiety side effects may include a shorter fuse or feelings of paralysis.

Mindfulness Instructor Stan Merrill made an important distinction between planning and worrying. Planning offers reasonable control and opens up possibility. Worrying closes it down to the same loop of worst cases, playing over and over in our imaginations. Considering this, here are some thoughts on how to mindfully be with the anxiety of the coronavirus:

• Stick with websites that we know are giving us accurate, updated, and fact-checked information. Be mindful of overconsumption of news and social media, and how this may affect your anxiety level
• Focus on what you can control. When washing hands, mindfully breathe in and out five times
• During social distancing, stay in touch with loved ones via phone or video calls.
• If possible, spend time outside and engage in daily movement and exercise.
• Even when routines become disrupted, stick with a daily routine, including wake up times, meal times, and pursuing topics that feed your brain and heart
• Reach out to a mental health professional for support if worry, anxiety, and panic become unmanageable. Many mental health professionals may offer telehealth appointments while social isolation measures are in place.

Stay healthy and well!

Ask and Listen: Parts We Wish We Would Have Known Reflections on Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain

We lost two beloved, complex, creative souls to suicide last week – reminding us that suffering not only affects all types, but remains largely hidden, even from loved ones. Time and again, the suicides of public figures who seem to live fulfilled and privileged lives have revealed this important take home message: Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. In the wake of Kate Spade’s and Anthony Bourdain’s suicides, many ask – how can I help a loved one who is suffering?

First, it’s important to note that there are many myths surrounding suicide. Check yourself if you believe these are true or false:

• Asking someone if they have thought about suicide may trigger them to actually do it. It may put the idea in their head or make them angry and impulsive.
• Once someone has made up their mind about suicide, you cannot stop them.
• Only experts can prevent suicide.
• People who consider suicide keep their plans to themselves.
• Those who talk about suicide don’t actually do it.
• Depression is the only risk factor for suicide.

All of these myths are false. Suicide is a highly preventable type of death and it’s everyone’s business. Providing a person who is considering suicide with a safe space to talk about their thoughts and feelings will actually lower their risk of completing suicide. Asking someone directly about suicide helps lower anxiety, opens up communication, and lowers the risk of an impulsive act of self harm. Other than depression, risk factors for suicide are plentiful, including financial or relationship losses, health concerns, legal issues, substance abuse and dependence, and other psychiatric illnesses.

The key is to ask and listen. Survivors report that being asked about suicide was a relief, and that the most important part was feeling listened to without judgment. Feeling connected and not alone has powerful healing properties for the person who is suffering.

Here are some tips on how to talk to a loved one who you suspect may be considering suicide:

• Ask them if they are thinking about killing themselves. (This will not put the idea into their head or make it more likely that they will attempt suicide.)
• Listen without judging and show you care.
• Stay with the person, or make sure the person is in a private, secure place with another caring person, until you can get further help.
• Remove any objects that could be used in a suicide attempt (weapons, pills, etc.).
• Do NOT offer advice or try to cheer them up. This can cause the person to feel invalidated and shut down.
• DO offer to help the person make an appointment with a health or mental health provider and to accompany them to the appointment.
• Enlist the help of others. Do NOT agree to keep someone’s suicidal thoughts a secret.
• Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and follow their guidance.
• If danger for self-harm seems imminent, call 911.
• Remember, suicide is highly preventable, help is out there, and people do recover.

Here are some additional resources:
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: afsp.org/resources
Live Through This Project: livethroughthis.org/the-project

Gratitude - It's Good For You

It's that time of the year when things are getting busy. Thanksgiving is about one month away, and before we know it, the holidays and new year will be upon us. This is a hectic time. It's easy to lose touch with self-care and we may take pause less often. What better way to give ourselves a break, especially with Thanksgiving approaching, than by acknowledging what we're grateful for. As it turns out, practicing regular gratitude helps boost our physical, social, and psychological well-being. More important, being grateful appears to be one of the major keys to happiness.

What makes gratitude so transformative? First, it brings us back to the present moment by teaching us to value something we have, as opposed to fretting about something we don't have. It allows us to notice the positives in our lives more mindfully, and move away from taking things for granted. Second, gratitude is a wonderful antidote to toxic, negative emotions. Try feeling resentful or envious while also feeling grateful - it won't work. Third, gratitude gives us perspective during negative life events or stressful times. It helps us take a step back and re-evaluate. And finally, by recognizing what has been given and provided to us by others, we can learn to see ourselves in a more positive light.

So how can we cultivate this important virtue of gratitude? Here are three simple tips:

1. Keep a gratitude journal. Every night, jot down 3 things you are grateful for. This is like counting your blessings consciously and mindfully.

2. Accept lessons learned, even hard ones, with gratitude.

3. Make "thank you" a daily part of your vocabulary. Besides using it consciously with strangers (such as the bagger at the grocery store), also make it a point to sit down with a loved one and tell them why you appreciate them. It will do you both good.

Gratitude is an important part of emotional health and can also be one of the many techniques learned in counseling or psychotherapy. I am a Houston psychologist. For more information about my practice, visit DrGortner.com.

To read more about the gratitude research that inspired this posting, visit Dr. Emmons' article at http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_gratitude_is_good/