Coping with Emotional Upheaval During COVD-19

Our world and our individual psyches have been infused with uncertainty in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. Plans and routines are increasingly disrupted and collective anxiety – even panic - is palpable in public spaces such as grocery stores.

Feeling some anxiety makes sense right now – it’s a normal reaction to emerging news about the coronavirus. Many of us ponder the uncertainty of the virus’ impact on ourselves and loved ones in the weeks and perhaps even months to come.

Anxiety alerts us to potential threats. It activates us and helps us move toward safety. Our human nervous systems are now more alert and oriented toward survival. If this energy is channeled appropriately, it will help us be prepared. Unwelcome anxiety side effects may include a shorter fuse or feelings of paralysis.

Mindfulness Instructor Stan Merrill made an important distinction between planning and worrying. Planning offers reasonable control and opens up possibility. Worrying closes it down to the same loop of worst cases, playing over and over in our imaginations. Considering this, here are some thoughts on how to mindfully be with the anxiety of the coronavirus:

• Stick with websites that we know are giving us accurate, updated, and fact-checked information. Be mindful of overconsumption of news and social media, and how this may affect your anxiety level
• Focus on what you can control. When washing hands, mindfully breathe in and out five times
• During social distancing, stay in touch with loved ones via phone or video calls.
• If possible, spend time outside and engage in daily movement and exercise.
• Even when routines become disrupted, stick with a daily routine, including wake up times, meal times, and pursuing topics that feed your brain and heart
• Reach out to a mental health professional for support if worry, anxiety, and panic become unmanageable. Many mental health professionals may offer telehealth appointments while social isolation measures are in place.

Stay healthy and well!

How To Be Alone

It is not impermanence that makes us suffer.  What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent, when they are not. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Society is afraid of alone - a striking line in a poem I ran across. How much of life is made up of loneliness avoidance, as if our worth as a human being depended on it? Afraid of loneliness, we keep trying to fill this feared hole with filler behaviors, perhaps unhealthy habits, relationships that are draining rather than energizing, drugs, food, alcohol, shopping, material fads, work - the list goes on.

The experience of loneliness is complex. First, there is the simple, objective matter of being by oneself, which in itself isn't (usually) harmful or dangerous. And then there is the "story" we tell ourselves about being alone, what we tell ourselves about our loneliness. And this is where the emotionally destructive hook is. That story may be about how we feel unappreciated or misunderstood, how we are not worthy of love and affection, how there must be something wrong with us to feel this way. Conquering loneliness has little to do with whether we have friends or not—we all know the feeling of loneliness even when we’re surrounded by others.  It has everything to do with examining and ultimately rejecting the story we tell ourselves about what it means to be alone.

If you silence the stories you tell yourself about being alone, a whole new world of wisdom can open up.  One insight could be that you are always here and everyone and everything else comes and goes. Everything is temporary.  No material possession, relationship, feeling, health state is here to stay.  Rather than it being depressing, this can increase the "wow" factor of life: You are the only thing that is always here with you, so how can you be good to yourself, love yourself?

How To Be Alone by Tanya Davis

(Available as a video poem below)

If you are, at first, lonely - be patient. 

If you've not been alone much or if, when you were, you weren't okay with it then just wait, 

you'll find it's fine to be alone... 

once you're embracing it. 

We could start with the acceptable places: the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. 

Where you can stall and read the paper, 

where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there, 

where you can browse the stacks and smell the books 

you're not supposed to talk much anyway, 

so it's safe there. 

There's also the gym. 

If you're shy you can hang out with yourself in the mirrors, you can put headphones in. 

And there's public transportation 

- because we all gotta go places - 

and there's prayer and meditation 

no one will think less if you're hanging out with your breath 

seeking peace and salvation. 

Start simple, 

things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid-being-alone principles. 

The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by chow-downers, 

employees that only have an hour 

and their spouses work across town 

and so they, like you, will be alone. 

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone. 

When you are comfortable with eat-lunch-and-run, take yourself out for dinner, 

a restaurant with linen and silverware. 

You're no less intriguing a person when you're eating solo dessert 

and cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger; 

in fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were. 

Go to the movies 

where it is dark and soothing 

alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community. 

And, then, take yourself out dancing, 

to a club where no one knows you 

stand on the outside of the floor 

until the lights convince you more and more 

and the music shows you. 

Dance like no one's watching 

('cause they are probably not) 

and, if they are, assume it is with best and human intentions, 

the way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. 

Dance until you're sweating 

and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, 

down your back like a brook of blessings. 

Go to the woods alone and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. 

Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, 

there are always statues to talk to 

and benches made for sitting 

give strangers a shared existence 

if only for a minute 

and these moments can be so uplifting 

and the conversations that you get in 

by sitting alone on benches 

might have never happened 

had you not been there by yourself. 

Society is afraid of alone though, 

like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, 

like people must have problems if, after awhile, nobody is dating them 

But alone is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless 

and lonely is healing if you make it. 

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner 

look both further and farther 

in the endless quest for company, 

but no one's in your head 

and by the time you translate your thoughts some essence of them may be lost 

or perhaps it is just kept, 

perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, 

perhaps all of those sappy slogans 

from preschool over 

to high school's groaning 

were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. 

'cause if you're happy in your head then solitude is blessed and alone is okay. 

It's okay if no one believes like you 

all experiences unique, no one has the same synapses 

can't think like you 

for this be relieved, 

keeps it interesting, life's magic things in reach. 

And it doesn't mean you aren't connected, that community's not present. 

Just take the perspective you get 

from being one person alone in one head 

and feel the effects of it 

Take silence and respect it. 

If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. 

If your family doesn't get you 

or a religious sect is not meant for you 

don't obsess about it. 

You could be, in an instant, surrounded, if you need it. 

If your heart is bleeding make the best of it 

there is heat in freezing, be a testament

Understanding Depression

A startling finding: The World Health Organization has determined that depression is the most burdensome disease in the world today. It robs adults of more productive days of life than AIDS, cancer, or heart disease.

What is depression?  What is it not?  We all know the feeling of being sad or "blue" after experiencing a loss or disappointment.  It may last a few days or a few weeks.  But when do we start talking about an actual "depression" in clinical terms?
Common signs of clinical depression include:

• Frequently feeling sad and/or guilty
• Eating more or less (including significant weight loss)
• Sleeping more or less
• Loss of interest in things you usually enjoy
• Low energy, fatigue
• Irritability
• Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
• Thoughts about death and suicide

While the above signs are more common, everyone is different.  The following may also indicate depression for some people:

• Increased use of alcohol and drugs
• Anger
• Difficulty envisioning a hopeful future
• Helplessness
• Increased aches, pains, or bodily ailments

Depressive episodes can be situational - that is, they occur after a stressful event or events (for example, death or loss of a loved one, diagnosis of severe or terminal illness, children leaving home, divorce, persistent stressful job conditions, academic stress/difficulty, job loss, and other extremely stressful situations).  Or, it can happen for what appears to be no reason at all, literally out of the blue.  Research shows that clinical depression can also occur when stressors in the environment combine with a genetic or biological disposition.  If depression runs in your family, you are likely more vulnerable to also being depressed.

Depression is a complex and serious illness, comparable to diabetes or heart disease.  You can't just "snap out of it" by pulling yourself up by your bootstraps or thinking happy thoughts.  People with depression need professional treatment, just like people with diabetes and heart disease do.

What helps?  Talk therapy can help individuals determine what life circumstances may contribute to their depression and how to address them.  Therapy can also teach important skills to lower stress and address recurring negative thoughts that happen with depression.  Antidepressant medications can help normalize chemical imbalances in the brain that contribute to depression.  A helpful analogy to consider when thinking about antidepressants:  Just like insulin can help a person with diabetes whose pancreas no longer produces it, antidepressants can help a person with depression whose brain may be low on certain chemicals, or neurotransmitters.  More and more novel treatments are being researched and becoming available for people with recurring and treatment-resistent depression.

Only about one-third of individuals with depression seek treatment.  It is quite common for someone to live with depression for years, even decades, before deciding to seek help.  The sooner a person can get treatment, the higher their chances for recovery.  

If you know someone who is depressed, offer a supportive, non-judgmental, and listening ear.  Then offer your support in getting the person professional help and treatment.  Remember - depression is an illness that can linger, worsen, and/or recur if left untreated.  Remember, there is hope and there is help.

 I am a Houston psychologist who specializes in treating depression.  Visit my website for more information on my services.  

Please click here for an inspiring article in the New York Times on new approaches of treating depression in developing countries, impacted by war, famine, AIDS, natural disasters, and other trauma.

Simple Ways to Boost Your Mood and Confidence

Positivity and confidence are important building blocks in life.  Often they are the prerequisite for other positive changes.  They keep us moving forward (instead of looking backwards) and connected to others.  Here are some simple ways to build mood and confidence boosters into your everyday life:

• Evaluate your choices:  Take inventory about what is currently going on in your life:  in your relationships, workspace and environment.  Determine the aspects of your life that you can change positively, then focus on them.  Also acknowledge the things that you cannot change, and move on. Make sure to only invest energy in the things that are worth your while.  It may help to write them down.
• Eliminate negativity:  If there are people and situations that leave you drained and grumpy on a regular basis, re-evaluate their place in your schedule and your life.  For example - a friendship should leave you energized, rather than drained, most of the time.
• Stop blaming yourself:  When something doesn't go as expected, don't dwell on it.  Rather than beating yourself up about human mistakes, take a deep breath, regroup, and figure out your next steps.
• Make time for exercise:  This helps burn off stress hormones and leaves you feeling relaxed and refreshed.  Exercise is also known to counteract mild to moderate depression and improves confidence.
• Get social support:  Make time for dates with friends.  This helps reduce stress, improves health, and gives you something to look forward to.
• Learn something new:  Novelty is good for the brain and the soul.  Pick up a new hobby, craft, skill, or language.  You will improve your confidence and may meet new people that share your passion.
• Reward yourself:  Break down your goals into small, manageable benchmarks.  When you reach a benchmark, reward yourself with something healthy.  For example, after you finish cleaning a room, make time for a healthy snack or a phone call to a friend.
• Nurture your mind:  Surround yourself with positive music, entertainment, and art.  Avoid movies or TV shows that leave you feeling stressed, anxious, and negative.

Make self-care a priority in your life.  If this is consistently hard for you, you may wish to consult with a licensed mental health professional for support.  Check out my website for information on my services.